
Class Jl 
Book_i_ 



GcpiglitS?- 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT: 



The Souvenir: 



OR. 



Satan at Large, 



c 










CHEYENNE, VVYO. : 

BRISTOL & KNABE PRINTING COMPANY. 

1887. 









! 

i 



B> CiKOROI w Cohk\ 



PRELUDE, 



While circling years roll on a face 

Will new-born -wonders never cease? 
And Satan's works, vile and artful, 
Our high-strung nerves cease to start h ' 

Will halcyon days never come, 

1 he long looked for millennium? 

When -peace on earth, good-will to man, 
Shall be a J act and not a sham f 

When the fierce rush for powW and pelf 
Shall cease, and heaven's true wealth 
(.over the earth like golden shovSrs, 
And man return to Eden's bowers? 
And Satan, driven from the earth, 
No more allowed to sally forth 

To practice his base, cunning tricks, 

Both in relitfn and politics. 

No more allowed to tempt mankind 

To sow the wind, and reap whirlwinds, 
In deadly conflict, war and fight, 

With ships, and guns, and dynamite. 
No more allowed to keep the earth 
In constant turmoil, fear and wrath; 



^ Prelude. 

With base intrigues and wicked flans, 
Caballing and concocting schemes; 
Keep all the nations in a fix 
By meddling with their -politics. 
No more allowed to fool our nation 
With a "virtuous combination ;" 
Which proved to be, after all, 
Safari's own Dimecrat Cabal. 
JS/o more allowed to lead astray 
The great and good from the right way, 
Bringing to naught these poor creatures, 
As he hath done brother Beecher; 
Debasing him from his high station 

To that of pot-house politician. 
No more allowed, same as of old, 

When he 'guiPd Eve, queer stories told, 
Made her dissatisfied with Eden, 
Longing to know good from evil; 
Now gives her daughters notions queer, 
Anxious to change their present sphere; 

Fuming and chafing o'er their lot 

Instead of sending dinner to pot. 

But all these things, as we shall find, 

Are still ^mongst mysteries divine. 

If they shall e'er be so God wot 

If never so then we trow not. 



THE SOUYEHIR 
CAKTO I 

THE ARGUMENT. 

In which we humble tribute pay 
In halting verse, in simple lay, 
To the nation's "star-eyed goddess," 
Making invocation modest. 
Give some account of Satan's works 
Since his advent upon the earth, 
His last, though greatest work of all, 
His own grand Dimecrat Cabal ! 
That pure, virtuous combination 
"Salvation army of the nation!" 
With flags unfurled to breezes flung 
Now raiding upon Washington. 

Satan's fierce wrath! earth's direful scourge! 
Since driv'n from heav'n he's roam'd at large, 
Breathing revenge! immortal hate! 
Seeking to vent infernal spite! 
With hate and guile, keen, noxious spears, 
Waging 'gainst Heav'n eternal war! 



6 The Souvenir. 

And man the prey of fiendish wrath 
As Satan goes forth o'er all the earth, 
Lur'd Eve to crime in the beginning, 
Still urges men to vice and sinning. 
Now the great hope of reformation! 
The grand virtuous combination! 
Salvation army of reforms! 
Satan hath taken to his arms! 
Of these and many other things, 
Sing! heav'nly "star-eyed goddess," Sing! 

My gentle muse vast is our theme ! 
Satan's dark plans, infernal schemes! 
Bring these to light, and these expose! 
So he that runs may read 's he goes. 
Now train thy pinions to a flight 
O'er regions vast to mountains' height, 
Where earth's broad plains thine eyes shall greet 
Stretching away beneath thy feet. 



The Souvenir. 

Here we may view in lofty state, 
Vast hordes of mortals small and great, 
In life's fierce conflict struggling on, 
A shifting, restless, endless throng. 
And here away from earth's turmoils, 
Its woes, its cares, its toils and broils, 
We may review for ages past 
Satan's sad wrecks from first to last. 

May scan his fields of baleful work, 
Since his advent upon the earth ; 
Whose keen, impious guile did bring 
To our first parents death and sin. 
Note well the plans Satan hath laid 
To gain the conquests he hath made, 
Through all ages from Adam's fall 
Down to the Dimecrat Cabal! 

And watch the living human throng 
All o'er the earth as time goes on, 



8 The Souvenir. 

See Satan ready with his wiles 
Truth to defy and men beguile. 
Learning this fact as thus we can, 
Satan's best tools are worst of men ; 
In these perfecting wicked schemes 
And still to mortal eyes unseen. 

In sacred history we must search 
For proof of much of Satan's work; 
Where those inspir'd by power divine, 
Were shown these things from earliest time. 
Thus St. John the revelator 
Face to face with his Creator, 
Talked of heaven, earth and hell 
And the beings that in them dwell; 
And saw things earthly and divine 
Of past, present and future time. 

This old prophet, this great divine, 
Who lived way back in ancient time, 



The Souvenir. 

While he was on the isle of Patmos 
Saw grand views of Heaven's greatness; 
In visions strange, weird and sublime 
View'd the long vista of all past time. 

He saw the Dragon and his hosts 
Defying Heaven with haughty boasts, 
And Michael and his angels fair 
'Gage them in desolating war: 
Long the desperate conflict raged, 
And fierce each combatant engaged; 
Till Satan and his hosts o'ercome, 
Were thrust from heaven every one. 

Driven to earth the Dragon came 
And with him his infernal train. 
Vengeful his soul! direful his wrath! 
Blighting the earth where'er he passed: 
Since he no more could Heav'n engage, 
On man he'd vent his fiendish rage; 



io The Souvenir. 

For now his only hope and aim 
The joy of sweet revenge to gain. 

Keen for the fray, Satan went forth, 
To deceive the people of the earth, 
With choice guile and strong temptation, 
To thwart the scheme of man's creation ; 
That he from heav'n so lately hurled, 
Might be proclaimed "god of the world." 
Thus went he forth in devilish guise, 
In this first grand campaign of lies! 

Then down from heav'n an angel came, 
With massive key and pond'rous chain, 
"And he laid hold on the Dragon;" 
"The Old Serpent," the Beast Dagon, 
"Which is the Devil and Satan," 
With an alias for each nation, 
The Deuce, Lucifer, Belial, Apollyon, 
With many other names and so on. 



The Souvenir, u 

He forced from Satan his disguise, 
And christened him — "father of lies" — 
Then bound him for a thousand years, 
Relieving man of his worst fears, 
Cast him into the bottomless pit — 
Some people think he's in there yet. 

But this is clearly a mistake, 
For Satan in the fiery lake, 
Could not, as everybody knows, 
Attend to business as he does. 
Besides this fact 'tis very plain 
That he is now at large again, • 
In forms of dimecrat disguise 
Filling the land with floods of lies! 

From oldest time his mode hath been 
To take the forms of beasts and men ; 
Whichever promis'd best advantage, 
As he went forth upon the rampage. 



12 The Souvenir. 

Now 'tis a truth we all believe, 
When Satan tempted Mother Eve, 
He took the form of a serpent 
Thus to conceal his vile purpose. 
And we find in the book of Job 
When on a day the sons of God, 
Would pay respects unto the Lord, 
Satan too came to say a word. 
When the Lord inquir'd whence he came 
Made proper answer to the same, 
Like any tourist of good birth — 
"From going to and fro in the earth 
And from walking up and down in it." 
He'd just drop'd in to stay a minute. 

And another case the scriptures state, 
At Matthew eighth and twenty-eight; 
Where devils driven from human kind 
Went forth into a herd of swine. 



The Souvenir. ij 

'Twas in the land of the Gergesenes, 
The Son of God — the Nazarene— 
Was met by two possessed with devils, 
Engaged in fierce, fiendish revels; 
At sight of whom these fiends cried out, 
(Knowing our Lord would cast them' out) ' . 
"What have we to do with thee? 
Com'st thou to set these mortals free? 
And here among these dismal shrines 
Wilt thou torment us ere our time?" 
They begged the Saviour of mankind 
To let them go into the swine ; 
And then he said unto them, "go!" 
The strange result the sequel shows, 
"For behold, the whole herd of swine," 
Mad and raging like frantic kine, 
Rush'd here and there in wild melee, 
Then down a steep into the sea ; 



i$ The Souvenir. 

Of course the swine all perished there, 
But of his imps the de'il took care. 

Many cases more we might present, 
But with these three will be content; 
Which plainly prove as we contend 
That Satan takes the form of men, 
Or that of beasts, whichever seems 
Most to advance infernal schemes. 

Since the last mentioned episode 
And all these spirits cast abroad 
Satan hath roamed about creation 
Without a settled habitation : 
But following historic lines 
From that date to the present time, 
Whatever else we must confess 
He's always had an eye to business. 
His hand hath been in court intrigues, 
With wicked kings he's been in league, 



The Souvenir, 15 

He's roused in men the vilest passions 
Of thieves, murderers and assassins, 
Of those who plan by day or night, 
Gunpowder plots or dynamite. 

Much as we boast of these fast times, 
Much as we prate of learned things, 
Time's cycles still wheel slowly on 
And stupid man still plods along. 
And Satan hath the coveted chance 
To fiddle while poor mortals dance, 
In this business he's no riddler 
For they that dance must pay the fiddler. 

No good hath ever come to man 
That Satan had not some vile plan 
To bring it into disrespect 
And neutralize its good effect. 
So-called reforms in politics 
As in religion, are often mixed 



j6 The Souvenir, 

With various, noxious, queer alloys, 
That all their benefits destroy. 
And we shall see as we pass on 
Some needed and some great reforms, 
Have had their course brought to an end 
By over-zealous, foolish friends. 
Thus some of the means that Satan takes 
To gain the conquests that he makes, 
Show well how foolish men have been, 
Being tempted to ways of sin ; 
And thinking these ways wise and fit, 
Have always got the worst of it. 
There is an old classical story, 
A kind of mythical allegory, 
That illustrates in quaint old fashion 
Satan's malice, guile and passion- 
Ever scheming, hateful and wily — 
Angels and men ever beguiling. 



The Souvenir, if 

This old story, though very plain, 
Gives the notions entertained, 
In the oldest of olden times, 
By the observers of Satan's crimes. 
The wiles he used are here set forth 
To vantage gain o'er heavenly truth, 
And we note the history as we pass, 
Of the goodly outside falsehood hath ; 
Its moral we see is passing good, 
And Satan here is called Falsehood. 

As the story goes — once on a time, 
Away off in some orient clime 
Truth and falsehood journeyed together, 
Each seeming pleased with the other; 
For at that time 'tis very plain 
Truth was not up to Falsehood's game, 
Or else while traveling o'er the country 
Had not been found in such bad comp'ny. 



18 The Souvenir. 

They journeyed on until they came 
To a most lovely, running stream; 
Its banks, rich verdure covered o'er, 
Its limpid waters laved the pebbled shore; 
And here 'neath groves of spice-'fumed trees 
The weary trav'lers took their ease. 
And when at evening-tide serene 
Long shadows came across the stream 
And rarest flowers in full bloom 
Gave the soft zephyrs sweet perfume: 
Then elves from rocks and dales came forth, 
And nymphs that flit about the earth, 
Those that o'er destiny preside 
Came forth from regions far and wide: 
Others, from earth, and air, and sea, 
Came forth these deities to see; 
With myriads more from plains and woods 
For these were earth's two greatest gods. 



The Souuenir. ig 

Then as the day was almost gone 
And listless twilight coming on, 
A time like this, inviting sweet repose, 
For most foul purpose Falsehood chose. 
Now leading Truth along the beauteous shore 
Spoke oft of bathing here before, 
Of sports like this — their healthful good, 
Fit recreation for men or gods ! 
And Truth's attention thus engaging 
Falsehood proposed they go in bathing. 
So leaving their garments on the shore 
Their forms the crystal tide soon bore, 
And their natation perfect seemed 
As they'd swim or float about the stream* 
No thought of ill or wrong design 
E'er came across Truth's pure mind; 
For up and down — or 'cross the tide — 
The merry goddess swift did glide ; 



20 The Souvenir. 

And in long stretches from the shore, 

The sport enjoyed all the more. V 

Now for his chance — not had before — 
And Falsehood hastened to the shore, 
Put on Truth's garments — fled away — 
No more foul theft could ever be ! 
And in this guise as forth he went 
Hath been wont to appear ever since. 
Truth came to the shore — her garments gone, 
But Falsehood's garb would not put on,' 
Knowing falsehood thus would gain 
Great prestige 'mongst the sons of man, " 
No garb she'd wear except her own, 
And so went forth as she was born; 
Not thinking thus to give offense 
Truth hath been naked ever since. 

Now in guise of Truth's best garments 
Satan comes forth a great reformer, 



The Souvenir. 2T 

Glad tidings he promises the world 
Like a proper ordain'd herald. 
He holds the rostrum — he must speak, 
The while good people should be meek ; 
And at the beck of his dark wand 
His dimecratic hordes and clans 
Move along in grand procession, 
While he makes his proclamation. 
"Let men rejoice in every land! 
The millennium is now at hand ! 
For the pure, hungry Dimocracy, 
Will make a raid on Washington ! 
Send glad tidings the earth around, 
The nation's saviour hath been found! 
Not of such sad and pensive mien, 
As the meek and lowly Nazarene! ' 
Not of angelic form or birth, 
For this great saviour is of earth! 



22 The Souvenir. 

Nor yet one single Son of Man, 
But is made up of hordes and clans — 
Of hordes and clans great and small, 
'Tis my own Dimecrat cabal!" 

Disdainfully they move along! 
These motley, blear-eyed, bourbon throngs, 
Each horde and clan taking station 
According to its great devotion. 

The doughface horde that's first descried, 
Is the North's unwashed unterrified; 
And Stephen Grover in the lead 
With Old Buck's ghost close by his side. 

Next pressing close — hard on the van! 
The South's Ku Klux though changed their name, 
They're coming back the same old gang 
To clean the Treasury out again. 

Next Tammany's clans we now perceive, 
Not forty — but forty thousand thieves! 



The Souvenir. 23 

The great Boss Kelley takes the lead 

While old Tweed's ghost hovers o'er his head. 

Convicts and bandits next we meet, 
Mostly held to service by the State; 
Courtesans, debauchees and such as that, 
For these are always dimecrats. 

Next St. John's dupes stand up to count, 
With the whiskeyites they're some account. 
These two make up the red-nosed clan, 
In their grand work they've all joined hands. 

A wild, weird horde next moves along, 
The Latter-day Saints, a motley throng, 
These ignorant, superstitious flats, 
Have always been good democrats. 

Hard on the heels of the Mormons, 
Come the great mugwump reformers! 
Smallest, most clam'rous of the clans, 
"Most pure, most virtuous of all men!" 



2$ The Souvenir. 

(This mugwump statement, we shall find, 

Is truthful only in their minds.) 

They could give grace to all the clans; 

Dictate to Satan proper plans, 

This small fag-end of the cabal — 

"Noblest Romans of them all!" 

Each in his mind almost a god! 

Small tail to wag so big a dog! 

Thus, this grand dimecrat cabal, 
Came forth of late at Satan's call; 
It is the virtuous combination • 
That will redeem and save the nation ; 
And show all men to their surprise 
Truth hath no force like oft-told lies! 



THE SOUYEHIR. 



CAHTO II. 

THE ARGUMENT. 

In which are mentioned all the clans, 
The patriot South leading the van ; 
Next the hungry unterrified, 
Next Tam'ny's chiefs and warriors wild : 
Convicts and bandits next come on, 
Next the red noses and St. John : 
Next come the Saints all undefiTd, 
The great Mugwumps bring up the tail. 

We sang of late the wondrous deeds 
Of him rebellious 'gainst his God ; 
Who hath full charge of all mankind 
That yield to him a willing mind. 
We then rehears'd the hordes and clans, 
Those charming, pure and virtuous bands; 
With flags unfurPd and banners flashing, 
Salvation army of the nation ! 



26 The Souvenir. 

We then said naught of their queer notions 

Of true patriotic devotion; 

But now shall give the fullest scale 

Of their great virtues in detail. 

'Tis a hard question to decide, 

'Twixt the North's doughface unterrified, 

And the South's great Ku Klux Klan, 

Which in this raid shall take the van. 

For both were champions willingly 

Of "the sum of all villainies ;" 

Both supporters of this great crime, 

Both claimed its origin divine : 

Both advocated the country's shame 

Man's right to property in man: 

Both have opposed all legislation 

That brought prosperity to the nation ; 

Both with war, gibes and ribaldry 

Opposed universal liberty ; 



The Souvenir. 2J 

Both true to dimecrat traditions, 
Both tried to overthrow the nation. 

But the Ku Klux should take the van, 
For of their record to a man, 
None hath ever been ashamed, 
None with desertion ever blamed. 
When they claim'd State rights and slavery, 
For these they fought with manly bravery; 
Defending what they thought their right, 
Made a long and desperate fight. 
But when this means no hope could bring, 
Turn'd to the arbiter of kings — 
Took up the sword — made desp'rate war — 
And fought till they could fight no more! 
That they should hate, 'tis no wonder, 
The pow'r that forc'd them to surrend'r 
The divine right that they claim'd 
To buy and sell their fellow-men; 



28 The Souvenir. 

More barb'rous still — most deprav'd sin! 
To buy and sell their own offspring! 

They sigh for the country as it was, 
Cherishing still the South's lost cause 
As when with their confed'racy, 
Its corner stone negro slav'ry, 
They claim'd the right of secession, 
Despising the very name — nation! 

Still proud of the great war they made, 
Proud of treason and warlike deeds, 
Proud of their own great Ku Klux Klan, 
Their shot-gun clubs and red-shirt gangs; 
The democrats of the solid South 
Will show their allies of the North 
That as of old, they're born to rule 
Their hungry, Northern doughface tools. 
They understand full well this game 
And are united to a man; 



The Souuenir. 29 

They know of old what great wonders 
Hath been done with public plunder. 
Thus the Ku Klux — the solid South — 
In serried phalanx marching forth, 
With signs portentous, making known, 
What they now purpose shall be done. 
And Stephen Grover in their lead 
A mere doughface dough figure-head — 
Most pliant clay in the skilled hands 
Of democratic artisans, 
Will find civil service deformed 
Was of democracy first born, 
And when democracy prevails, 
"To the victors belong the spoils." 
And he will find when in the hands 
Of hungry democratic gangs 
They'll be his master — he their tool — 
He may be chief — but they will rule! 



jo The Souvenir. 

As in the past the great slave pow'r 
Have made the North's doughfaces cower, 
So now the democratic South 
Will make them feel its solid force: 
Nor will they ever be content 
Till they control the government; 
Till their arch schemes have gained the pow'r 
They lost in their slave-drivers' war. 

Brave in attack — strong to defend — 
No means untried to gain their ends; 
Now keen and greedy for the fray, 
Most fierce and hungry for their prey; 
Armed, ready at their master's call 
To lead the dimecrat cabal ; 
The South's great solid Ku Klux Klan 
In this grand raid shall take the van ! 

But the doughfaces of the North 
Are made of very different stuff; 



The Souvenir. 31 

That they're courageous is well known 
By deeds of valor which they've done; 
For they always were brave as sheep 
Or as a cur that's fast asleep. 
They've wisdom too, as serpents have, 
Though harmless even as the dove; 
'Twas they advised the South's great treason; 
Few of them read — none ever reason. 

That they are patriots there's no doubt 
Though none has ever found it out; 
Still it is greatly to their credit 
That each one for himself hath said it. 
Great race of statesmen in the minds 
Of highest purity refin'd; 
If true, important all should know, 
They've always swore that this was so! 

But these pure patriots were of old, 
As at the present brave and bold ; 



j2 The Souvenir. 

They were slave-drivers' willing tools 
Obsequious to their arrant rule; 
So keen their masters then to please 
If these took snuff they too must sneeze. 

So when in those old bourbon times 
'Twas found that slavery was divine; 
And slave-drivers began to claim 
That all the world belong'd to them; 
These lo-co-fo-co doughfaces 
The harder tried the South to please ; 
They'd give the drivers all they wish'd 
And all the rest if they'd insist. 

The South they must conciliate 
No matter what the country's fate; 
They'd have all the public domain 
Remanded back to slav'ry again; 
Each State repeal without a cause 
All its pers'nal liberty laws; 



The Souvenir. fj 

And change the Constitution so, 
That in the future no State law, 
Could by legislation be made 
To interfere with their slave trade. 

They'd change the fugitive slave law 
So that no matter when or how 
A foolish slave should wander off 
From his good master's friendly roof; 
Seeking as men have always done 
For freedom — God's best boon to man! 
No man should give him meat or drink, 
Or let him for one moment think 
That he were else than a poor dog, 
An outcast from both man and God; 
Whose crime threw him outside the pale 
Of all men's charity or good will; 
That service to his master was 
His fulfilment of all the laws. 



34. The Souvenir. 

Thus doughfaces and their masters 
Would force the nation to take action, 
Make it accept their dictation, 
Submit to their ultimatum; 
While they intrench'd their institution 
Behind the laws and Constitution, 
Naught left undone that they could do 
To place it 'bove God's higher law. 

Such their offense ! so vast their crime ! 
Unparalleled in all past time, 
Attempting to foist such a shame 
On the Republic for all time 
As this hateful barbarity — 
This crime against humanity — 
Which no good tendencies could have; 
Worse for the master than the slave; 
A thing so vile men turn'd away 
From such shocking enormity: 



The Souvenir, 35 

A curse — a blight — naught worse could be 
Than this pet of democracy. 

But when the dread, fierce crisis came 
That was to try the souls of men; 
True to their name and traditions 
The doughfaces took their position. 
Trusted advisers of the South 
Who knew the weakness of the North; 
These great statesmen would surely know 
What for the time was best to do. 

They said in case the South made war 
'T would only be "a brief affair ;" 
For to secede they had a right — 
"The North? O no! the North wont fight!" 
And Lincoln's hirelings going forth 
Would find an army in the North ; 
That would rise up in doughface wrath 
And sweep them from the face of earth. 



j6 The Souvenir. 

But as the sequelle plainly show'd 
Doughfaces were of dunghill blood; 
For when it came to a tight pinch 
These warriors would not move an inch. 
Though they'd engag'd to take the lead, 
They soon show'd that they were not made 
To 'gage in fratricidal war 
And drench the earth with brothers' gore. 

While war for them had heav'nly charms 
They lov'd the glit'ring pomp of arms, 
Would soldier when the days were line — 
Be patriots in the summer time; 
But could not 'gage in deadly strifes — 
They lov'd too well their precious lives; 
Had rather be unworthy scions, 
Or living dogs than dead lions. 
True they had help'd bring on the war 
But did not wish its fate to share; 



The Souvenir. 37 

Cowards — not fight the war they'd bred? 
But turn mossbacks and copperheads? 
Go to Canada, take their ease — 
Avoid the draft and help make peace. 

'Twas thus the North's doughfaces prov'd 
Devotion to their Southern love; 
Who like a harlot from the first 
Had play'd them for all they were worth. 
To her they'd play'd second fiddle, 
Till a rupture in the middle ; 
Of the democratic party 
Show'd how tender, warm and hearty, 
Their great devotion to her cause; 
And she, a chance its depth to prove. 

For she'd decided to secede 
No matter what fierce strife 't might breed; 
Thinking these doughface renegades 
Would keep the promises they'd made. 



j 8 The Souvenir. 

But when she made desperate war 
Then they decided to withdraw ; 
They quit her serpentine embrace — 
Quit fid'ling — turn'd and play'd her base! 

And when the slave drivers great war 
Spread desolation everywhere; 
When North and South every hamlet 
Paid sad tribute unto Janus ; 
'Twas then these patriots came forth, 
Spread discontent throughout the North ; 
Declar'd the war could not succeed, 
From doughfaces turn'd copperheads. 
Seymour, Tilden, Bigler and Hunt, 
Hendricks, Vallandingham, Belmont, 
And many others of that class, 
Such for instance as John Wilkes Booth. 

These worthies all with one accord 
Now dying for the public crib; 



The Soimenir, jg 

Declar'd this war and strife should cease 
And let the South depart in peace. 
But their decrees were not final, 
For they were not the great tribunal ; 
The loyal people would decide 
While copperheads could stand aside. 

On November fourth, sixty-four, 
Came the decree — auspicious hour! 
The copperheads and all their force 
Were badly routed foot and horse; 
Crush'd by this grand, loyal decree — 
This onward march of liberty ! 
Sneak'd out of sight, like bats or moles 
Or other snakes that hunt their holes. 

As copperheads, not since been seen, 
But loyal as, most loyal men! 
Good hangers-on— obsequious tools — 
More cheeky than Government mules! 



#0 The Souvenir. 

They next came forth in doughface guise, 
Champions of the Union cause. 

But like that mean, Prodigal Son, 
All mischief they could do — had done — 
But unlike him, who, cow'd and meek, 
A servant's place would gladly take; 
They think the State should kill a calf 
And make a feast in their behalf; 
Clothe them in high official robes, 
Dub them — "the only pure and good:" 
Make over them a great ado 
As though to country they'd been true; 
And not as it's been truly said 
Changing doughface for copperhead; 
Then back to doughface as they've done 
Though changing not a single one 
Of the tenets of bourbon creeds 
As doughfaces or copperheads. 



The Souvenir. 4.1 

Having tried their best to destroy 
Freedom's retreat, the world's great joy — 
Man's only hope! the monarch's dread! 
From kingly rule a country freed! 
These craven, doughface copperheads 
Would gladly make the world believe; 
'Twas they alone the country sav'd — - 
To it alone liberty gave. 
They'd gladly blot their hist'ry out 
And change their record all about; 
For when their crimes 'gainst God and man 
Are brought to light for men to scan; 
They try with lies and specious reason 
To prove they ne'er committed treason; 
But when pursu'd — driv'n to the wall — 
With their sin manifest to all; 
Then as their treason 'gins to hurt — 
Shriek — bloody! bloody! bloody shirt! 



4.2 The Souvenir. 

'Twould now seem easy to decide, 
The North's unwash'd unterrified, 
Are no wise fit to take the van 
In this grand raid on Washington. 

But now they've all again join'd hands 
Doughfaces and the Ku Klux Klans ; 
Must'ring all their allies hungry! 
Organiz'd anew for plunder! 
Plunder — the only issue made! 
The only platform they have laid! 
George William Curtis hath said it 
And greatly 'tis to his credit; 
He's high authority on that — 
Himself a mugwump democrat. 
One thing all may depend upon 
While ever Satan leads these gangs; 
He'll take good care of all the spoils 
To pay his patriots for their toils; 



The Souvenir. 4.3 

He loves civil service reform, 
He'll be true to it — in a horn ! 

The horde next seen — war-painted braves — 
"Heep" — traditions of ancient days ! 
Relict of Revolution party 
Or old Columbian Soci'ty; 
'Tis Tammany the great and good! 
Oldest of all the clans or hordes. 

In squads and gangs they toddle on, 
This bloody aboriginal throng; 
The fierce warbonnet decks their heads 
Radiant their faces, whiskey red; 
With tomahawks to protect their lives 
And in their belts keen scalping knives; 
Their banners floating on the breeze 
They chant the war-songs of their braves. 

Grand Sachem Kelley leads the van 
Brandishing high in his right hand; 



44 TJie Souvenir. 

The big tomahawk and pipe of peace 
Gives Stephen Grover's mind great ease. 
This shows the braves are all for peace 
Not out for scalps on the warpath; 
That they now hunt wampum — boodle — 
And not the scalp off Stephen's noddle. 

His sachems all in gorgeous trim, 
Would break their necks to follow him; 
And while the pipe of peace they smoke 
Wear a soft silk and golden yoke; 
Which is an insignia or guide — 
The colors of each sachem's tribe. 
Conceal'd 'neath these tribal colors 
Is the bosses' great brass collar; 
From which a chain extends along 
To lead the brave or drive him on. 

This great brass collar with the chain 
Is call'd most perfect discipline; 



The Souvenir. 45 

To ease the feelings of the brave 
And make him think he is no slave; 
He wears the cap of liberty, 
To show that he is just as free, 
As the most free man on the earth, 
While he's in fact an abject serf. 

Since they've been cleaned out of New York 
Are anxious now for national work; 
They'd take most any place that's left 
But Treas'ry work would suit them best; 
For that hath been most in their line 
E'en before Tweed's or Kelley's time. 

They'd see the revenues all paid 
And to the Treasury conveyed; 
Except some trifling small amount 
That they might keep from the account; 
To pay them for some extra work 
That was not done, or unkept clerk. 



4.6 The Souvenir. 

Great pleasure in this work would find 
The moonshiners they'd steal stone blind: 
Destroy their craft with all its myst'ries 
By drinking all illicit whiskies. 

And when the dimecratic raid 
That on the Treas'ry will be made; 
By the Cabal in its great search 
Sometime about the Fourth of March; 
The vSouth's lean, hungry, patriot hordes, 
Led on by some great John B. Floyd 
To gobble Treasury reserves; 
These Tam'ny experts have the nerve 
To show the country valiant deeds 
Such as were done by William Tweed. 
Turn loose these forty thousand thieves ! 
And they'll steal all Treas'ry reserves; 
Steal building too and all the rest, 
So not one vestige will be left. 



The Souvenir. 47 

Fit company for Tam'ny's clans 
Are convicts, bandits, courtesans, 
Thugs, debauchees, footpads, sluggers, 
Hoodlums, tramps, rats, cats and others. 
This is a horde that hath great strength, 
And the democracy at length 
Gave them a man without restraint, 
For Stephen is their patron saint. 

Now comes the prohibition racket — 
With all the whiskeyites to back it — 
The good apostle, Saint, St. John, 
Leads the great prohib- whiskey throng! 
This same old garrulous St. John 
Now thinks the world hath all gone wrong, 
And must be rul'd by prohibition 
Or else go straight to perdition. 
He would dictate what men should think 
And legislate what they should drink; 



4.8 The Souvenir. 

He'd regulate every man's prog 
But 'low no man to take his grog. 
Whose heart is always set upon 
Whatever glorifies St. John ; 
Believing whiskey could be corner'd 
He aided "dimecrat reformers;" 
Play'd prohibition mountebank, 
But was in fact a Cleveland crank. 
He also play'd — syren charmer, 
For "Cleveland's Salvation Army;" 
Using deceit, slander and lying, 
All rules of decency defying; 
Whichever seemed to be most winning 
As he went forth a harlequining. 
Now swears 'fore notary that he 
Took no small sum or larger fee; 
From any one of Barnum's men, 
Or any one employ'd by him, 



The Souvenir. 49 

But if St. John did not sell out, 
As now the story's bandied 'bout; 
One fact it seems is very plain, 
That Satan wanted no such man. 
For all could see by merest glance 
All St. John wanted was a chance; 
Under the guise of "God and home" 
To do what Satan wanted done. 
If Satan paid him for his work, 
Through Sev'n-mule Barnum his chief clerk; 
His position was all the same — 
For paid, or not paid — Satan's man! 
His gab reform is slight disguise — 
Deceit will quit him when he dies ! 
His following is now quite slim 
Made up of other cranks like him; 
With all his prohib-whiskey friends, 
Helping to boom the red-nosed clan. 



So The Souvenir. 

Too much o'ercome to march in line 
That honor great they must decline; 
They'll take some grand high whiskey van 
And ride the raid on Washington; 
Vault to their seats with grace and ease 
And fling their carmine noses to the breeze ! 

Hail mighty horde of saintly clans ! 
Hail democratic Mormon bands! 
Worthy of most exalted station! 
Made democrats by revelation; 
Now come to offer their respects 
To Stephen Grover the elect. 
For these were democrats of old 
When but few saints were in the fold; 
When Joseph and his brigand crew 
Prais'd God and plunder'd round Nauvoo, 
Leading they said a spotless life — 
Engaging in no human strife — 



The Souvenir. 51 

Only wresting from gentile greed 
Whate'er the Mormon God had need. 

In those old times, now long gone by, 
Party spirit would oft run high; 
And these celestials oft would mix, 
In earthly, grov'ling politics. 
Then Joseph would have revelations 
From the Ruler of all nations; 
Thus from the Lord direct would know 
What was the proper thing to do. 
But the gentiles were all skeptics 
For they knew all about his antics; 
They knew that his inspir'd racket 
Was all made up behind the blanket. 
And now it was well understood 
That all the saints — the pure and good — 
Would do as the prophet of God, 
Had given them the sacred word. 



52 The Souvenir. 

For he each time gave just the same 
Advice — no matter whence it came, 
And they the hand of God could see 
With the unwashed democracy. 
But a Milesian's funny wit 
Sounded at once the bottom of it; 
He said that "Joseph pure and make 
His Lord's own words could only spake. 
Sure Joseph's God, like that of Moses, 
Is no Whig, Freesoil fanatic; 
For when he spakes by the prophet Joseph 
He always spakes dimecrathic!" 

True to these time-honored traditions 
The saints to-day take their position; 
They lead the mugwumps in the train 
Of this great raid on Washington. 

First come great Peter, James and John, 
That lead this wild, weird, crazy throng — 



The Souvenir. S3 

One is the President — the chief — 

Of all who live in Mormon faith; 

The other two give him advice, 

When state affairs need work that's nice. 

Next the Patriarchs of the land 

With their blessings, laying on hands — 

They cry — van'ty! all is van'ty! 

But are only poor humanity — 

For they were all "plum tucker'd out," 

Before they found that myst'ry out. 

The twelve Apostles next appear 
That work for fifteen hundred a year; 
They form a trav'ling high council — 
Ordain all officers to fill 
Positions that are high or low ; 
Baptize, and do what's else to do. 

Next Presidents of seventies 
And there are just eighty of these ; 



5^ The Souvenir. . 

Seventy elders make one Sev'nty 
With sev'n Pres'dents in each Sev'nty; 
These for the cause work day and night, 
Making converts and proselytes; 
Struggeling to increase the yield, 
Both of their harems and their fields. 

Next comes the order of High Priests 
That monkey round the Endowment House; 
Help old polygs — those slip'ry eels — 
To seal diverse, new, sweet, young seals. 

Next Bishops come — saintly and wise — 
Gathering up the Church's tithes, 
While Priests, Teachers and Deacons try 
To get a finger in this pie. 
Thus the officers of the Church 
That labor most in this great work; 
Have something from the public crib 
That helps to bring their children bread. 



The Souvenir. 55 

Each, many wives, both old and young, 
Some seal'd from the celestial throng — 
With children — everlasting lot! 
Big, little, old, young, long and short — 
Brunettes and blondes — some lean, some fat — 
More kids than you can shake a stick at! 

Next the great common herd comes forth 
Like vast insane retreat turn'd loose; 
It may instruct us now to note 
Some striking features of this lot; 
For as they toddle, cripple on, 
We wonder whence they all could come. 
Halt, maim'd, flat-heads, wry-neck'd and blind — 
Cock-eyed, blear-eyed, sore ears behind; 
Red-heads, flax-heads, black-heads frowzy, 
Hair all unkempt, long and lousy. 
Big-nosed, blink-eyed, one-arm'd, claw-handed, 
Hunch-backs, monsters, queer heads, legs bandy, 



56 The Souvenir. 

Toothless, one-eyed, sway-backed and deaf, 
Freckled, warty, hair-lipped, black teeth — 
High-cheeked, flat-nosed, teeth all scraggled, 
Ungain cut of garments draggled. 
Cross-eyed, meek-eyed, sore-eyed, sad-eyed, 
Cat-eyed, moon-eyed, tear-eyed, red-eyed; 
Hip-shot, snake-eyed, knock-kneed, club-footed. 
Stub-feet, loose-joints, flat teet, web-footed; 
Hook-nosed, lop-eared, wall-eyed, lop-sided, 
'Twixt tusks and stumps the mouth divided. 
With sores and wens and humps and bumps, 
With moles and scabs and shoulders hump'd; 
Thus made up these Mormon clans 
A horde of Quilps and Calibans; 
With minds deform'd quite as unique, 
As that of each one's strange physique. 
This grotesque horde of lunatics — 
Most typical, pure democrats! 



The Souvenir. $7 

lo-norant as a herd of mules, 

o 7 

Worse bigots than most, dupes and fools; 
Have now come forth to sound the praise— 
Of him — exemplar of their ways! 
Now limping, wig'ling, shuf'ling on, 
They sing this most appropriate song: 

"Hail to our chief! Hail our great friend! 

Loud pceans to his praises chant — 

Our -persecutions now will end 

For Stephen is our patron saint. 
Worthy is to be our chief! 

Most exalted is our master — 

His works accord with our belief, 

His only offspring is a bastard!" 
Close on the heels of the Mormons 
Press the great mugwump reformers; 
And taking up the Saints' refrain 
Make hills and dales resound again. 



$8 The Souvenir. 

Good Brother Beecher takes the lead 
Once Stephen Grover's friend in need; 
Who came to offer Stephen help 
'Cause he knew how it was himself. 
His first lieutenant Myster Schurz, 
Great soldier except when in war; 
u He fights mit Sigel most a year — 
Fon Salon to Salon trinken peer." 
And like Franz Sigel his great fights 
Were always made in hasty flight, 
For at the fight of Chancellorsville, 
With his division on a hill; 
And Jackson's guns began to play 
With all his men he ran away. 
And when a statesman he came forth 
To right the wrongs of all the earth, 
And like a quack of doubtful fame 
Who dub'd himself "the king of pain," 



The Souvenir. S9 

He was the one far excellence 
That could find out the nation's wants : 
That could right all the people's wrongs, 
And bring about all great reforms; 
And to the body politic, 
Play "king of pain" like t'other quack. 
But now this buffoon is well known ; 
His deeds of valor and renown 
As leader of "the new departure" 
Have made him neither Saint nor martyr ; 
But have developed all the features 
Of a chronic office-seeker; 
Who statesmanship would soon attain 
Could he use brass instead of brain. 
So when in law renown he'd gain 
He only failed for want of brain ; 
For as in war he could not fight 
When he'd an enemy in sight; 



60 The Souvenir. 

But turn him loose to fret the air, 
Then he's a desperate warrior! 
This slim gas-bag struts like a knight. 
A wind}', arrant blatherskite. 

George William Curtis next is seen, 
Pressing close on the mugwump van ; 
For he is now a democrat, 
One of the plund'ring, brigand lot. 
Twas in his youth a howadji, 
Trav'ling where now the El Mahdi 
Makes it lively for our cousins, 
In brigandage learn'd his first lessons. 
For 'twas in Syria or Soudan, 
That he first saw those gay brigands : 
And they have been e'er since that that time 
The envy of this great man's mind. 
For he, like them, brooks no restraint, 
Nor yet reproof to his mind's bent : 



The Souvenir. 61 

He knows just all there is to know, 
And what he thinks, that must be so! 
'Tis all for naught a pledge he's made, 
Or some great truth that he hath said; 
For what's a pledge or truth to him 
When he would gratify a whim. 
He said the democrats were thieves; 
No doubt that truth he still believes; 
For he's now with them hand in hand, 
Full fledged political brigand. 

Coming next to the mugwump trio, 
Pride of York's barnyard, strutting Roscoe — 
Like the boss turkey in the Spring 
That struts and gobbles and struts again: 
Roscoe was great when he first went 
Himself to plume and represent; 
In the Congress of the nation, 
To which he gave great reputation. 



62 The Souvenir. 

And he had then some thought and care 
For the country and its welfare; 
Contending for the truth and right, 
Always a giant in such fight. 

But Roscoe's greatness soon became 
To him a most devouring flame; 
And full of crotchets and of whims 
Forgot the party that made him ; 
Forgot all those that honor'd him, 
Completely lost in Roscoe Conklin-g. 
And when his dictum failed to bring 
All that he thought belonged to him, 
He like a boy that on the street 
More than his match at marbles meets — 
Goes sniv'ling home — "I'll tell my mar 
That you big fellers don't play fa'r." 

Next comes Guiteau's great man Chester, 
Leading his wild "cyote" Post Master; 



The Souvenir. 6j 

And well he knows that his coy-o-tee — 
Most treach'rous brute on all the prairie — 
Is for a place of trust unfit; 
'Twould snap the friendly hand that fed it. 
But Chester now hath grown so great 
Since Guiteau's ball seaPd Garfield's fate; 
He poses as the nation's Brutus 
But is in fact his party's Judas. 

Next groping sadly in the dark 
Comes Dominie James Freeman Clarke; 
The one "Disciple" of the Lord, 
That can expound His Holy Word; 
And tell you all about death's terrors — 
"Orthodoxy — -its Truths and Errors;" 
And all about "Ten Great Religions," 
From Jews down to the Norwegians; 
He's learn'd all these from early youth, 
But never learn'd to tell the truth. 



6 4 The Souvenir. 

Thus do we see the mugwump clan, 
Led on by this illustrious band ; 
With many others in the train 
Possess'd of equal world-wide fame. 
Now these were all too pure and good 
To mingle with the common herd ; 
And so with one consent they all 
Join'd Satan's dimecrat cabal. 

Here they have found congenial friends, 
Spirits that with theirs sweetly blend ; 
And now they wonder more and more, 
They had not struck these pals before. 
For singular as it may seem, 
All people vile — the low and mean — 
Take to the democratic party 
As nat'rally as ducks to water. 

Nor is it strange when once we think, 
Why this class should be closely link'd ; 



The Souvenir. 65 

For brutes of not much lower order 
By nature take to one another. 
And it is true of all mankind, 
Each will his lev'l nat'rally find; 
Though he may not reason nor think 
He finds his pals by mere instinct. 

Thus comes about that true old saw 
Which but expresses nature's law ; 
That both in fair and foul weather, 
"Birds of a feather flock together." 

But mugwumps are a better class 
For they great learning do possess.; 
Though like he whom they've served of late, 
They're full of malice, guile and hate. 

And here we see effects most sad, 
How learning sometimes makes men mad; 
With erudition of high rank 
A man may be the veriest crank. 



66 The Souvenir. 

Thus the mugwumps and pharisees 
Whom none in heav'n or earth could please, 
Found that no one but Hades' Prince 
Could satisfy their moral sense. 
And full possess'd by mugwump craze 
Began to sound their master's praise; 
Like birds allur'd by serpent's charms, 
Rush'd madly into Satan's arms ! 

As in disease we often see 
Those taken with insanity, 
Who, mild and moral from their birth, 
Now curse and blaspheme all the worse; 
So victims of the mugwump craze, 
Left off their truthful, modest ways — 
Left off all decency and shame — 
Did naught but slander and defame — 
And gowl like arrant hypocrites — 
Lie, and get drunk like democrats! 



The Souvenir. 67 

But when we come to contemplate 
Those that are their associates, 
It doth not seem to be so strange 
That their conduct should thus be changed. 
For now hobnobbing cheek by jowl 
With those that will the State control: 

Not alone for the country's good 

Nor to display the best manhood; 
But simply from great lust of pow'r, 
And greed that haunts them even more. 

And now the mugwumps take delight 
In contemplating their great fight; 
How grandly they did this or that 
And outlied even democrats! 
They also take the greatest pride 
In their labors thus side by side ; 
With those great statesmen North or South 
Best known for want of moral worth ; 



68 The Souvenir. 

The boast of whose constituency 
Is ignorance and illit'racy. 

They're proud of aiding Tam'ny's clans, 
Those shot-gun clubs and Ku Klux Klans; 
The whiskeyites and old St. John, 
The copperheads, and all the throng 
Of repeaters and doughfaces, 
Drunkards, defaulters, debauchees; 
The tramps, paupers and perjurers, 
Mormons, moonshiners, murderers; 
Assassins, bandits, burglars, thugs, 
Hoodlums, footpads and firebugs; 
Communists, dynamiters, sluggers; 
Convicts, thieves, courtesans, beggars: 
The shoulder-hitters, rioters, rats, 
And all that class of democrats ; 
With those that stuff the ballots in — 
Led by the Gallaghers and Makins. 



The Souvenir. 6p 

These are mugwumps' associates 
And sweetly they affiliate; 
Nor will it bring to either harm, 
Alike, they're champions of reform! 
And they'll do their great work with ease, 
When Satan hath reformed Hades. 

Here we've a picture of delight, 
Not by Raphael, Bierstadt nor White; 
But it is e'en more true to nature, 
Than picture ever made by painter; 
And now old friend, dear brother Beecher, 
Pray — how dost thou like the picture? 



^ 



l.H6Ja'3Q 



